Gently Lead, Gently Follow is a book about being with your kids.
Other books on homeschooling cover the legalities. They tell you why you should homeschool and what you should teach your kids. Gently Lead, Gently Follow focuses on how to teach your kids at home using five simple, effective steps.
Gently Lead, Gently Follow is not about a particular style of homeschooling. Instead, it helps you discover the style that suits your family.
Gently Lead, Gently Follow will be available summer 2003. Here's a sneak preview.
"What do you do for summer vacation?" people ask me, "Do your kids get a break from homeschooling?"
I tell them that we've tried.
"At the beginning of each summer," the story goes, "we tell the children that homeschool is out for the year. They are not to learn anything new until September."
The story continues, "But they absolutely refuse to stop learning! What can we do? We could take their books away, but we can't keep them from learning. So they continue to homeschool all year long."
Homeschooling requires a different skill set than classroom teaching. The homeschooling relationship is more intense and more personal. Families include children of different ages and abilities. The home environment is not protected from outside influences and demands in the same way a school classroom is. When parents teach, they have to develop a skill set suited for educating children at home, not a skill set developed for the classroom.
Homeschooling flows from our lives with our children. Teaching children at home is an informal, give-and-take process. We can teach them anytime, anywhere, using whatever materials we like.
Welcome home.
The great homeschooling adventure begins as soon as your child misses the big yellow bus. From that point, you are free to educate your child as you see fit. Once your child misses the bus, you, not the schools, are responsible for your child's education. The combination of freedom and responsibility can be exhilarating and a bit frightening.
Homeschooling is a big job, one that can feel a little overwhelming at first. Chances are good that someone told us that we can't do it, that our children will be better off in school, that we'll make a mess of things.
Fortunately, we have plenty of time to make sure that our children get the education they need. We don't have to do everything today. We can take the time to find educational approaches that work for our family. We can start exactly where we are and go on from here.
As we've continued on our homeschooling journey, I've learned that the most important parts of homeschooling are the basic building blocks of family life. Homeschooling is an extension of parenting, not an exotic skill set separate from family life.
You already know most of what you need to know to homeschool successfully. As you go on, you can expand your knowledge and refine your techniques.
There is a lot of information available about how people learn, but few sure answers. Different theories present different views of how learning works. Each theory suggests particular teaching methods. No theory, however, encompasses human learning in its entirety. The heart of learning is mysterious, and the process of learning varies from child to child.
Research supports a wide variety of approaches, but no single approach has a perfect track record. People debate the correct method of teaching reading. Many people insist that phonics, and only phonics, produces literate children. Other people stand by whole word or whole language reading instruction. Each method works well for some children, but no method successfully teaches all children to read.
Children are people, with as many individual quirks variations as adults. Materials that enchant one child leave another child cold. An approach that one child loves might bore another to tears.
Children know what they need and want to learn. Each child's mind unfolds at its own rate and in its own unique pattern. Children naturally gravitate towards developmentally appropriate lessons. They can teach themselves the lessons they need to learn with a wide range of different materials.
When Martha was six, I looked for kinesthetic materials to help her learn how to read. I found a set of word cards with plastic letters. Each letter slot on the card had a series of holes that matched the pegs on the letter tiles.
Martha examined the materials and then spent many happy hours matching the peg patterns with the patterns of holes on the cards. Although the game was designed to promote language skills, Martha found a way to use the game to practice her math skills.
When I became pregnant with my first child, I was intensely aware that I was her environment. My bloodstream nourished her. Everything I ate or drank percolated down to her. Any noxious chemicals in my environment found their way to her. She mainlined a chemical potion of my emotions through the placenta. My movements startled her or lulled her to sleep. She could hear the tones of my voice and the rhythm of my breathing.
When she was an infant, she continued to resonate with my emotions. If I was nervous, agitated, or anxious to get her to sleep, she fussed and remained alert. She couldn't fall asleep until I was calm. To get her to sleep, I first needed to relax.
I continue to be an important part of my children's environment. Whether I am conscious of it or not, I wield tremendous influence with my children. My actions, attitudes, and emotions affect them deeply.
Another parent comes to me with their latest find, telling me how much little Julius enjoyed Calculus By and For Young People. It's all I can do to hold myself back from integrating it into our curriculum. My natural urge is to gallop towards new ideas and resources, never minding the consequences.
In homeschooling, my natural approach flops nine times out of ten. My kids don't always share my enthusiasms. They don't like me committing their time and energy to some grand new project. They don't even like me committing my time and energy to some grand new project. They might need it for their own projects.
A friend of mine once said that most negative children's behaviors can be traced to a need for attention. Parents often discount their children's need for attention, dismissing a child's negative behavior with a casual "Oh, he's just trying to get attention."
Indeed, the child is "just trying to get attention." Children need adult attention. When we give them the attention they crave, the need fills up and the children go on to the next challenge. When we fail to give children the attention they need, they up the ante. From there, the parent/child relationship can take a nosedive that might end in anger and tears.
If a child asks "Why does it rain?" you might respond by saying, "You're wondering about the rain. Why do you suppose it rains?"
The child's answer is a clue. It might be fanciful ("because someone's squeezing a big washcloth in the sky,"), pragmatic ("because the flowers need rain"), scientific ("because the water in the clouds condensed"), emotional ("because the sky is sad that grandpa died"), phenomenological ("because it's not a sunny day"), or opportunistic ("so I can use my new umbrella"). Each of these answers invites a different parental response.
Mathematics is the study of patterns. The good news about math is that you're not limited to dull drill-to-kill worksheets. Mathematics includes much more than arithmetic, more even than algebra, geometry, trigonometry, and calculus. Math includes counting, sorting, logical thinking, computer programming, problem solving, working with sets, and using different systems of measurement.
Our past school experience limits our view of math more than any other academic subject. Math doesn't have to come in a math book. Children do math anytime they work with patterns. Children explore math when they play with lego and design beading patterns. There's no reason for math to be dull and boring. If we go with our children's natural fascination for patterns, our children can come to appreciate the beauty and utility of mathematics.
When we homeschool, home and family take on greater significance in our lives. Our homes are much more than campgrounds and storage areas. They are the environments in which we live and in which our children learn. Our families are not merely the people with whom we eat, sleep, do chores, take vacations, and appear in family portraits. Our families are our friends, co-workers, teachers, and students. If we get along with our families, the rest of our lives flow smoothly.
Homeschooling families need to put family harmony first. Personal conflicts affect homeschooling families deeply. We need to make sure that we're all pulling together or we can pull one another apart.
It is all very well to talk about family harmony. Some days, everything comes together beautifully. I feel cheerful and appreciative and glad to meet my children's needs. The children play together nicely and resolve conflicts easily. Everyone cooperates. We enjoy one another. Someone starts a project and everyone else adds to it. Our home is filled with a warm glow.
Other days, family harmony seems well-nigh impossible. I feel tired and drained, headachy and irritable. The children squabble over the slightest thing. Small disagreements escalate. Requests for help are met with opposition. The stresses mount as undone tasks pile up.
Whenever struggles erupt in a homeschool, it's a good idea to stop everything right there. Restore family harmony first or things will likely continue on the downward spiral. With children, the shortest path to our goals is often not a straight line.
Children are inherently interested in the work that goes on in the community. They watch road crews intently, trying to figure out what they are doing. As they get older, they explore different professions and ask business people what they need to do to perform their jobs. In the teenage years, they are interested in trying both paid and volunteer jobs.
Within a two-week period, six-year-old Martha interviewed our family physician, the dental hygienist, an optician, a grocery clerk, and my hair stylist. All of these workers were happy to share their knowledge with my daughter. They told her that she had talents that would serve her well in their jobs. Each of them encouraged her to consider a career in their field. Several of them gave her advice about job training.
Homeschooled children participate in community life along with us. They accompany us on errands, observing how we transact business. They join us in our volunteer work, political activities, and religious excursions.
When you tell people you're homeschooling, they imagine your children sitting around the kitchen table filling out workbook pages. The image makes many homeschooling parents recoil in horror, but there are children out there who really like workbooks.
You can homeschool your children without buying a single workbook. They are not necessary. Many workbooks have serious faults, being condescending, repetitive, and boring. The child who likes workbooks will not care; there is something in the activity of filling out a workbook page that she finds pleasant, even soothing. The child who does not like workbooks will refuse to complete the first page.
Most math texts for young children are in workbook form. My kids go through a short infatuation with math workbooks around age seven. Math workbooks help them feel grown-up. Workbooks give them an idea of what happens in school classrooms.
Choose math workbooks with a moderate number of problems per page. Make sure that the workbook provides a variety of problems. Many math workbooks contain games or puzzles to make them more enjoyable. Interesting or silly word problems are often a hit with kids.
Imagine visiting a house where someone was expecting you. Someone has put fresh flowers in your room and turned down the covers for you. A stack of carefully-chosen books stands on the bedside table. A carafe of water and a cup stand next to the books. A warm terrycloth robe hangs on the back of the bathroom door. A large towel is draped over the towel rack.
A prepared environment makes a person feel cherished and comfortable.
We can help our children feel cherished and comfortable by providing optional activities that invite them in. We can put construction paper and chalk on the project table, a few puzzles on a low table, and a snack on the dining room table. We can start a block structure next to the box of blocks or set up the easel with fresh paints and a clean smock.
Ideally, kids need time outside every day to move their big muscles and enjoy the natural world. Some kids need outdoor time more than others, but everyone (adults and kids alike) benefits from being outside.
Regular outdoor time does more for our sanity than anything else. Regular nature walks have always been a feature of our homeschool and still remain a favorite activity.
Sometimes, kids (and adults) need to be coaxed outdoors. We get so comfortable toasting our feet by the fire that we don't want to pull on our boots and go outside to listen to the rain.
On errand days, it's often helpful to schedule a trip to a park or river as one of the chores. The time spent in play revives everyone.
At home, we work outdoor time into the daily schedule. We might schedule a family walk in the evenings, or some outdoor time when we go out to pick up the mail. Our laundry room is outdoors, so we can use laundry as an excuse to get everyone outdoors.With proper clothing, children can and should go outdoors in almost every type of weather. Nature is beautiful in all of its moods. Cold, wet days have their own secrets to share.
Homeschooling a mixed-age group is a three-ring circus. When everything goes well, it's the Greatest Show on Earth. At other times, the jugglers interrupt the lion tamers and the clowns sabotage the trapeze artists.
You can learn to direct your homeschooling circus so that all the acts think they're on center stage. When you get everyone working together in harmony, you can kick back and enjoy the show.
We've developed many ways of working with our mixed-age family. With almost eleven years between our oldest and our youngest, working with mixed ages has been a matter of survival.
No single strategy works all the time. Instead, we need to try approaches until we find something that works. When that approach stops working, we try a different tack. Working with multiple ages requires creativity and flexibility.
A child with a deep interest in a subject area learns faster than a child who is not as interested. An interested child also learns in greater depth and retains the knowledge better.
If a child is interested in rocket ships, anything is more interesting if it is related to rocket ships. Rather than force-mapping our agendas onto rocket ships, however, it is better to just go with the child's bliss. Let the child focus on rocket ships. Let him draw rocket ships, sing rocket ship songs, and raid the library for books on space. He will learn plenty in the process.
When Lillian was five, her interests included anatomy, automobile engines, and Spanish. Over the years, my children's interests have led us to study poetry, drawing, calligraphy, Shakespeare, algebra, composers, mathematical logic, several sports, five different foreign languages, many branches of natural science, several types of musical instruments, and ancient and modern history of many different cultures.
I am continually amazed at how much we cover by simply following the children's interests. When their minds are engaged, children learn very fast. Sometimes, I can barely keep up with my children's demand for more and better information. They can absorb it as fast as we can find it.Short lessons are one of the most powerful tools in a homeschooling parent's tool kit. You can do them anywhere. You can fit them into a busy life. You can use them whenever a subject comes up. Short lessons are easy to digest. They don't bore children. Most of my teaching happens in 5-10 minute mini-lessons.
Modern research supports the idea that we learn best when we work in short spurts. We can only concentrate on a skill for about ten minutes before we lose steam. Gifted teachers mix things up a lot to keep learners interested and motivated. A good teacher or coach stops the lesson before the learner starts to get bored or lose her focus.
It can be hard to find time to sit down with children for half-hour sessions. It's much easier to find time for 5-10 minute lessons. If we're willing to scatter them through the day, it's even easier.
Imagine the possibilities!
At birth, every human being is a potential future Mozart, Einstein, Beverly Sills, or Mother Teresa. All human potential is open to the child. The possibilities are dizzying. When we hold the new beings in our arms, we wish for them to reach the stars.
Within a year, we're trying to move the cookies out of their reach, at least before dinner.
Parents create many opportunities for children to reach their potentials. We provide materials, encouragement, guidance, and appreciation. We cheer them on as they take their first tentative steps. When they stumble, we bandage their knees and cuddle them until they're strong enough to venture out again.When you look for curricular materials for home use, it's helpful to talk to other homeschoolers. Many courses designed for classroom study do not work well in the home. Class materials are designed for large numbers of students working at the same level. In the home, we have a few students working at different levels. Class materials often have contrived or artificial exercises. Children consent to fiddle-faddle in school situations that they would never accept in the comfort of their own homes.
To succeed at home, a formal course of study needs to be relevant, interesting, and adaptable. Children sometimes buckle down to a program with a lot of busy work, but most lose interest quickly.
Programs that allow the child to work independently work better at home than programs that require a lot of teacher preparation. One well-designed reading program requires a lot of copying and cutting before the materials can be presented to the children. Without easy access to a photocopier and paper cutter, most homeschooling parents quickly shelve that program.
Children like to do real work that needs to be done. Work helps children take pride in their contributions to their family and the world. A well-done job builds a child's confidence and self-esteem.
Even very young children can help with chores. 18-month-old Lee helped me fold laundry by stacking the diapers.
Give small children jobs they can handle. Encourage them by recognizing their contributions. Each small accomplishment paves the way to independence.
Cultivate a cheerful attitude when you do chores. If you grouse when you pick up the toys, you're telling your children that tidying up after play is tiresome. You can find something to enjoy in any task. If you appreciate the clean smell of laundry and the satisfaction of folding clothes smoothly and neatly, your children are more likely to want to help.
When Lillian was a toddler, I realized that she had tremendous power in her small body. If she chose, she could prevent me from doing almost anything. If I was foolish enough to get into a power struggle with her, I was in a no-win situation.
I came to see negotiations with a toddler as an intelligence test. If I could find a way to work things out with the toddler, I aced the test. If I got into a push-me-pull-you power struggle, I lost.
For every stubborn child, there's a pushy parent. The quickest way to avoid power struggles with our children is to stop pushing. It takes less effort to change our actions than it takes to change a stubborn child's mind. If you stop pushing, you give the child nothing to resist. The whole dance changes.
Small actions can have great effects. We don't need a lot of force to get our point across. With human beings, the direct approach isn't always the shortest path. We humans seem to be built with a resistance muscle. If someone pushes us, our reaction is to push back.
Your success at homeschooling today will lead to happy, successful adults tomorrow.
Copyright © 2002 by
Heather Madrone. All rights reserved.