Solstice Son

Last solstice, the slippery slope eroded
On an ice crystal star studded beach.
Our breaths quick and frosty; our feet
Slipped on the cold sand-snow beneath.

The hurricane hits with its usual force.
There's nothing to do but hold on.
Driving home, I look at the wreckage,
The lives smashed in the wake of our passion.

Cranberry angel trumpets in fanfare
Announcing the child to come.
Under the weight of that burden,
There's no escape from the deed we have done.

You're the snake at my ear dripping honey
To sweeten the load I must bear.
The honey dissolves into ashes.
As you slither away, escaping your share.

You enter a radio silence.
You travel far up Denial.
Without you, our child keeps growing
Within me. Alone I face the last mile.

Crucible of labor re-forges
Blue steel where softness before.
Heat of anger consumes your memory,
Burning your face from my heart.

The new being in my arms is unfamiliar
Resembling no one I know.
My amnesia allows me to love him
As he is, without remembering you.

The man in the dreamscape walks towards me
He shows me a picture of you.
I awake seeing your features etched clearly
On my son's face. I turn from the news.

He wears your smile like an accusation
Or a warm, understanding caress.
He runs towards life like you do
Drinking deep of the love at my breast.

You've never held his sweet body
Or looked in his fathomless eyes.
You've never heard his bright laughter
Or woken at night to his cries.

You've never seen his warm smile
Or studied the shape of his face.
You've never heard his glad cooing
Or nibbled his belly in play.

He will call another man daddy.
He'll grow up without knowing you.
I wonder how much it will matter
To him, to me, and to you.

This solstice I sat in my rocker,
Holding our miracle son.
The raindrops pelting the skylight
The clouds obscuring the sun.