The Birth of Matisse Rainbow

After my Blessing Way on October 11, I started having prodromal labor like I'd had with Morganne. Contractions would start, intensify and then die down. Unlike the first time, however, these contractions weren't dilating me. When the contractions hit, I was spacey, nauseous and enervated. When they ceased, I felt reasonably energetic. Throughout the experience, I was restless and prowly. October passed and I got tired of people asking me if I'd had the baby yet.

My original target due date was November 10, the Full Moon. My calendar due date was November 17. I couldn't imagine staying pregnant that long! We made it past Morganne's birthday and Halloween. I was seriously ready for this baby to come. I had a strong feeling she'd come on a Monday morning like her sister, but I dismissed the feeling.

Garry and I were watching the tides this time, since Morganne had come in on a Full Moon and a spring tide. There was a big tide due at 8:40 on November 9.

On Sunday, November 8, we went into Santa Cruz for dinner. We then went to a bookstore. I found a funky little book called _The Moon Book_, which had a section on the tides. Later that evening, I noticed that it contained a moonrise map for Morganne's birthdate - 24 October 1988. That was the only date in the book.

We went to bed with the almost-Full Moon shining through the oak tree into our bed. At 1:30, I was dreaming that Morganne was explaining to me that the tides were right and the baby was coming. I woke up to a contraction. I got up, pretty sure that this was IT, but not wanting to be too optimistic (in denial as the result of lots of false alarms).

I tried to go back to sleep, but the contractions were five minutes apart and wouldn't let me sleep. I labored along, tidying the house and preparing for the birth. The contractions became increasingly strong and close. At 3:00, I timed them at 1 - 2 minutes long and 2 - 5 minutes apart. They were strong enough to make me hold onto the counter and breathe through them.

Every once in a while, I sat down in the rocking chair and relaxed for a few contractions. They kept coming, as regular as clockwork. I could tell I was still in early labor; with Morganne, I'd started active labor at 7 centimeters. I didn't think this baby would beat the Sentinel's posted high tide of 8:40. I was having back labor, which didn't surprise me because back pain had been a regular feature of the pregnancy. Also, I was having aches down low in the front. This was different from my previous painless labor.

I needed to carry some triangle flares down to the road so the midwives could find their way easily in the dark. I realized, however, that I was too far into labor to handle our steep driveway, so I decided to wake Garry about 4am.

Garry got up; we did a few last minute chores and settled down on the living room carpet for some floor gymnastics. The labor got more intense and I had a difficult time getting comfortable. The back pain was strong and the achiness in front was very uncomfortable. I had a hard time welcoming contractions at this point. I changed positions a lot during and between contractions for the rest of the labor. Garry was supportive and rubbed my back. What helped the most was to bellow. I think I really needed to do all the squirming I was doing to get Matisse to come down.

I was longing for my water to break. I felt that a lot of my discomfort was because I was laboring against the amniotic sac instead of the baby. The contractions were very long and very close together. Some of them were 3 to 5 minutes long and sometimes they came back to back with no breaks. I didn't have time to recover between them. Morganne's birth had shorter, more widely spaced contractions which were easier for me to handle.

At 6:00, Garry called Kate (the midwife). Kate and Bari (the assistant) arrived at 6:50. Our friend Nancy, who was coming over to take care of Morganne, arrived at 7:15. By that time, the contractions were definitely painful and it took a lot of concentration to keep myself together during them. I was bellowing and groaning. Kate and Bari got set up. I still had my sense of humor, though, and could talk and joke when the contractions gave me a break. By now, I'd settled into an all-fours position with my legs in a squat and I'd press my bottom down during contractions.

Bari told me she thought it would be fast. Kate asked if she could check my dilation and I said she could if she could do it between contractions. She got one finger in and I said, "You have about 10 seconds". After about 5 seconds though, another contraction started and I moved away. I'd joked earlier that I didn't want to know if I was only 3 centimeters and that's about where I was. Kate couldn't tell for sure because I hadn't given her time to complete the vaginal exam. The time was 7:10.

After I'd squirmed free of the vaginal exam and evaded the doptone a few times, Kate and Bari thought I'd do better on my own, so they headed to the kitchen to eat the breakfast I'd set out earlier. At 7:30, I had a very intense contraction and I rose up on my heels and said, "God! Somebody help me!" and then immediately thought, "What a stupid thing to say. No one can help me. I've got to get myself together here.". Kate and Bari came running, but by then I was back to riding the contractions out.

About that time, Morganne woke up. Nancy went in to her and they talked about the baby coming. Morganne came out to the living room in the middle of a contraction to find Mama roaring like a lion. After the contraction, I told Morganne I was fine, just busy having the baby. She said she wanted Mama or Daddy. Morganne climbed on Garry's lap and stayed there for the rest of the birth. A few minutes later, she was smiling.

Shortly after that, I started pushing. Kate said she didn't know whether I was pushing the baby or the sac. It was the sac. I desperately wanted that waterbag to break. I was set up with Chux and a dry towel to catch the amniotic fluid. Kate went off to the bathroom to wash up.

At 7:57, I started a mammoth contraction. I was about 8 centimeters at the beginning of it. I pushed, felt the bag pop (sweet relief) and couldn't stop pushing. A gush of water came down and then I felt myself open 8 - 9 - 10 and felt the head come all the way down. I turned to Bari, who had been encouraging me during the contractions, and I calmly said, "The head's on the perineum.". Bari looked at me politely and nodded, clearly not believing a word of it. But, being a sport, she went around and checked anyway. Her eyes went wide and she called, "Kate! The head!". Nancy ran to get Kate, who didn't believe it either.

I hated pushing (and with Morganne I had loved it), but I pushed, hard, anyway. It was compulsive and intense. On the next push, I supported my pubic arch until Kate took over. I thought I might tear because the head was clearly coming very fast (Morganne had been on the perineum for a long time - over an hour). The head popped out. Matisse rotated right away and the mucus just pumped out of her. She started crying then, with her head out and the rest of her still in. I tried to push her body out, but it felt more difficult than it was supposed to. Her hand was alongside her chin. Kate was trying to hold the hand back so her elbow wouldn't tear me, but I didn't know that. I was so annoyed that Kate was trying to push the baby back in that I gave a tremendous push and out she came. It was 8:01 AM, Monday 9 November 1992. Matisse was crying. Garry caught her and, somehow, I was soon sitting up holding my pink, screaming daughter. Kate tried to suction her and she sucked the bulb syringe. I put her to the breast and she latched on like a pro. She nursed straight for the next two hours and never left my arms. Morganne was right there, watching her new sister with excitement shining in her eyes.

I asked Kate and Bari to help me up on the couch and, shortly after delivered the placenta with only mechanical difficulties (the couch sloped backwards, making pushing awkward). I bled very little. Kate gave me some herb tea and, between the tea and the alfalfa supplements I'd been taking, I was amazed at how little I'd bled - the lochia like a light period. I bled much, much more with Morganne. Kate and I discussed a nick in my labia and decided against stitches. (By my six week checkup, it had healed fine.)

The crew helped me move into the woodstove room, which was warmer than the living room. There I sat, nursing our new baby as the celebration began.

Morganne opened her baby gifts, both from us and from Nancy. She kept coming back to look at and touch her baby sister. Garry and Nancy focused on Morganne. I sat back and watched it all while nursing Matisse, chatting with the midwives and beaming out love to my husband and daughters.

Everyone kept saying how much Matisse looked like Morganne, but I was amazed at how different she was. It felt strange to have a baby who wasn't Morganne. The birth had been so different, she looked different, Matisse was smaller and we were HOME, not rushing to the hospital.

We all speculated about the baby's weight. The midwives, who'd seen a lot of 9 pounders recently, said "6.5", I said "7 - 7.5" and Garry and Nancy agreed that she was "tiny". Kate did the newborn exam while the baby nursed, but weight couldn't be done that way, so we waited. Matisse kept on nursing and pooping meconium, so we just kept changing the receiving blankets. She turned out to be 7 pounds, 4 ounces.

After two hours, Matisse fell asleep and went to spend most of the next hour on her sister's lap. It was really special to watch Morganne with her new sister. She accepted her, even possessed her, right from the start. This was HER baby sister. For days, anytime I relinquished Matisse to Garry, Morganne immediately asked to hold her. Garry would say, "Oh please, let me hold her for a little while.", but usually gave in gracefully. He really didn't get to do much baby-holding the first week.

I made my maiden bathroom voyage and had breakfast. Then the midwives packed up (it was after 11) and Garry, Morganne and Nancy had breakfast while I went back to bed with my tiny daughter. Morganne soon joined us and popped in and out of bed. It was a sweet, sleepy, cuddly day and I felt wonderful to be home with my peaceful, loving family. It felt just right to have two little girls in our family.

Over the next few days, I treasured my alone time with each girl. My time with Morganne was more special and my time alone with Matisse was very precious. I also felt like the center of love when I was with both girls; nursing Matisse and reading to, playing with or talking with Morganne. Together, Morganne and I held and changed her new sister.

Our only sibling difficulties were at night when Morganne wanted cuddle time with Mama. At first, we weren't sure how to handle this, but usually it worked for Garry and me to switch sides of the bed until Mati woke up to nurse or for Garry to walk Mati while I cuddled with Morganne. During the day, Morganne was usually very accepting of Matisse's needs.

We weren't sure about Matisse's name, but, when nothing had magically come to mind by the evening of the second day (and Morganne continued to call the baby Matisse), we decided that her name must be Matisse Rainbow after all. Within a day, she was usually called Mati or Mati Mouse. The next several days brought Matisserie, Mouseling, Mousefeathers, Mati Matisse and the Mouse Who Roared. And then Snert (for which my grandmother threatened to call CPS on us).

Mati nursed avidly the first several days and slept well. On the third day, she slept a lot, nursed little and peed not at all. I watched her carefully, a little concerned because of the 6 - 8 wet diapers a day maxim, but trusted Mati and her process. (I put on my breastfeeding counselor hat and checked her for dehydration and jaundice, but she looked healthy and pink and plump as a rose). I could feel my milk coming, building up little by little.

At about 10:30 Wednesday night, Matisse nursed on one side and I expressed a little milk out of each breast to rub on the nipples to help prevent soreness. My left breast had bluish, mature milk but my right still had only colostrum. It felt magical to be able to see the change that way. Initially, Matisse only nursed on one breast per feeding (another violation of "nursing rules"). She later worked her way to taking both breasts, but sometimes was content with just one.

The afternoon I was waiting for my milk to come in, I talked to Kate and to Dr. Belom. I mentioned Mati's sleepiness and the lack of wet diapers and told them I was watching, but not anxious because I could feel my milk coming in and my intuition told me that Matisse was resting up for full breasts. Both seemed a little concerned and Dr. Belom said I could give her water if I wanted to. I'd just read an article about the futility of water supplementation (besides my inborn suspicion of any extras during early breastfeeding). My intuition proved correct; my milk came in; Matisse nursed more frequently and we had enough wet and poopy diapers by morning to ease the most nervous mother's mind.

I had forgotten about the bliss that can happen during the Milk Moon. I walked around with breasts leaking milk, dripping love and joy everywhere I went. I doused Matisse in love, sprayed Morganne and Garry with it and dribbled love over diapers, nightgowns, T shirts and blankets. As the leaking became less awesome, the love too moved back into accustomed channels, not quite so bountiful.

Trust was my big lesson during this pregnancy, birth and postpartum. I have had to trust the process, my body, my child and give up control of the birth.

Matisse's birth and postpartum were so perfect for us that I'm constantly comparing it to Morganne's. Having our baby at home felt so right. It's good for the older sibling, sweet for the baby and relaxing for the parents. Matisse and I stayed home for her first week. We didn't have to go in the car or subject her to anything gross (like they do in the hospital). She was able to spend almost all of her time in the arms of her loving family. I'm really glad she was able to nurse for two hours after birth rather than being taken away from me and traumatized. We declined most of the interventions offered us (eyedrops, vitamin K, newborn screening, heel pokes, etc.). Kate was respectful of Matisse's need to nurse and didn't interrupt her.

I believe really strongly that newborns shouldn't be separated from their mothers EXCEPT for very short periods in dire emergencies. And that neonatal treatment ought to include mom (sleeping near baby with food and linen service and showers). Both mom and baby benefit from being treated as a unit, rather than individuals. The parents' (and especially mom's) care is the best medicine for sick babies.

I don't think I knew how awful and how terribly unnatural our first postpartum was until after Matisse was here and I saw how sweet the postpartum period could be. I feel guilty sometimes when I think of how things went with Morganne. Did I do something wrong during pregnancy or labor? What could I have done differently?

Matisse slept well. She cried very little and was easily comforted when we picked her up. She was a patient baby. She seemed to know that we were going to take care of her needs and she usually didn't fuss when she wanted to nurse or when we changed her. When she wanted to nurse, she snerted and opened her mouth wide, turning her head to the side. She opened her mouth nice and wide and latched on well. If the latch on wasn't right, she dropped the nipple. (A part of the Nursing Mothers' Counsel party line I'd never 100% believed was that getting the latch on right will prevent sore nipples. But Mati proved to me that, indeed, it's true. Sore nipples aren't a necessary part of nursing a new baby.)

When she finished nursing, she turned her head and pushed the nipple out. She didn't like to nurse to sleep, but would fuss a bit unless we rocked or walked her to sleep. She then dropped off quickly. When she had a bubble or needed to poop, she would fuss a bit until we held her upright. She was fussiest when she was gassy, but her fussiest wasn't very fussy at all.

Matisse's birth was very healing for all of us.