Socialization

I don't know why it is that I seem to be continually a minority of one on this list, but I guess I am.

Hmm. I often feel the same way.

I, for one, take the socialization question very seriously. We live in a neighborhood with few kids, among my co-workers, there are no children who live close enough to make playgroups very practical. My children basically have one playmate other than themselves (and their parents): the child of one of my wife's co-workers.

I, too, take social skills seriously. My problem with the word socialization is that it is ill defined and often used to shoot down the whole concept of homeschooling.

Social skills encompass a broad range of human activity.

I am deeply concerned that my kids won't be able to meet people and make friends, and that they'll go through life feeling isolated and weird (just like their parents...:-):-):-). I don't know many people who were unhappy because their scholarship hadn't been optimized to the last degree, but I do know people who felt isolated and alone, and have had their lives marred by those feelings of isolation.

Morganne is on the shy side. She has always preferred small gatherings to large ones and she takes her time to become accustomed to new situations. When we started homeschooling last fall, I was very concerned that she get enough social contact with her age-mates. We enrolled her in gymnastics, painting and music classes. We made play dates with her preschool buddies. We went on all of the homeschooling program's field trips.

It was, quite frankly, overkill.

Over the past year, my views on Morganne's social development have changed. I no longer try to schedule lots of social activity for her. Instead she benefits from fewer, longer activities. I now consider social gatherings with all ages to be valid, instead of just those with her age-mates. Also, I consider day-to-day living in our family to be the most important social classroom for our children.

Recently, we attended a multi-generational party at my mother's house. There were 11 children under age 6 and 3 people over age 80. Pretty much every other age was represented as well. Morganne spent time with her cousins and the other young ones, time with my mother (age 55), time with my grandmother (age 72), time with her aunt and uncle (33 and 41), time with my cousins (18, 21 and 23) and time with other assorted people. The next day, I realized how unusual such a gathering is. We Americans live most of our lives in age-segregated groups. Children with other children, working age adults with other working age adults, retired folk with other retired folk.

I think we miss a lot when we live in age-segregated boxes. Old people and children, for example, have a lot to offer one another. Children of different ages (ours are 13.5, 5.5 and 1.5) can really enrich one another's lives. We can learn a lot by spending time with people throughout the age spectrum.

One of the lessons I seem to be learning in homeschooling is to look at the world from a broader perspective, to move beyond the cookie cutter ideas of education to the essence of learning. I've seen it work with math, reading and writing. I also see it working in social skills. Just like learning to read doesn't mean basal readers and worksheets, so, too, learning social skills doesn't mean lots of contact with large groups of one's age-mates. Social skills can be learned in large and small groups, formal and informal settings, among people of all ages, at the park, at the grocery store, in places of business, in places of entertainment, in private homes, with friends, relatives and strangers.

Learning to take a proper telephone message is a social skill. Manners are a social skill. Communication is a social skill. Taking a chosen item to the checkout stand and paying for it is a social skill. Ordering a meal in a restaurant is a social skill. Writing a thank you letter is a social skill. Comforting a hurt sibling is a social skill. Once learned, these skills are easily transferred to other situations with other individuals. It is the quality, rather than the quantity, of social interactions that will teach our children how to successfully relate to other people.