Time

One thing I have discovered which is surprising but makes sense when you think about it: schooling on a tight schedule takes a lot of discipline on the part of the adult, but very little discipline on the part of the child. In fact, kids really do prefer it when the adult has everything planned and organized and scheduled for them, rather than the adult just winging it and trying to cram everything in. It is a lot of work for the grown-up, but makes things easier on kids.

I agree that kids benefit from some structure in their lives, but I have a serious question.

What happens with a child whose parents have always been responsible for making and keeping the schedules in the child's life? How does the child learn to schedule herself if the parent puts the child on a tight schedule and enforces it?

For me, this is another area where we walk a fine line between guiding the child life and ceding the child autonomy to run her own life.

I know children (not homeschooled children) whose lives are so scheduled that the children never have to choose an activity. They never have to decide what they will do or where they will go. They go to school, are guided by adults all day, go to after school care or sports activities and then home with parents who have a tight evening schedule.

When does a child on a tight schedule get to learn what she enjoys? When does she get to learn the consequences of wasting time or the wondrous blessing of embarking on an exciting project of her own devising and seeing it through to completion?

I believe in structure, but I believe in a loose structure, one where the child has enough freedom to learn to be responsible for taking care of business in the midst of life. Morganne, at 6, is already learning how to schedule her time so she can get done what needs to be done and still have time to do other things that she values. 2 year old Matisse, of course, is slowly learning that failing to put her shoes on means that she gets carried to the car (a fate worse than death for our proud two year old).

But then, I guess Rick did say that we unschoolers were exempt from having children who liked tight schedules.

One more thing: I have found that I have to schedule "dawdle time" into any activity I plan with my children. If I try to schedule things too tightly, they resist me and I get steamed. If I give them space to do the things that are important to them (Matisse, for example, needs 5 minutes to select and struggle with each item of clothing before coming to me for help -- we call it "learning to get dressed".), then we have a much more pleasant and cooperative life.